so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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