Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
