i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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