I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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