it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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