I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
