Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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