You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
