Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
People with herpes should wear stickers.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You need a sexual gate keeper
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
