I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
