my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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