i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
