end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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