Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
