Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You took a bar mat shot.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
