Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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