he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
