You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
