too bad you live with your parents still
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
