did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
