he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
