i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
