What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
