Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
