Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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