my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
