stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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