just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
