Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
