Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
