My friends, they love my intelligence
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
