I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Thank you for not boning my boss.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
