I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
