member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We just shotgunned beers for America
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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