Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
