oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
