dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
