Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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