Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
