she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
