you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
