1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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