Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
