That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
