operation harelip BJ is a go
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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