butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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