'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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