did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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