The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
