My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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